For Single Parents by Cederick Tardy
I want to open a discussion about unintentional child abuse and neglect in America and what it has done to this generation.
What is unintentional child neglect? UCN is when a parent decides to put a priority of lower value over the ultimate well-being of his or her child. In many cases the parents thinks they are acting in the child’s best interest. In America, 3.3 million reports of child abuse are made every year. In 2005, 49.7 percent of children who were mistreated were white, 23.1 percent were African American, and 17.4 percent were Hispanic (USDHHS, 2007). Imagine the “statistics” if the numbers reflected the unintentional child neglect figures.
Let’s take a look at some recent headlines. 1. Ohio boys swipe mom’s BMW, drive 650 miles to Kansas City 2. 8-year-olds responsible for mobile home fire 3. The Kids Are Not Really Alright
Avoid Child Neglect – Make Positive ChoicesThere is a connection between the home environment and the lifestyle that a child chooses to lead. This is a view shared by many. “Family violence, and especially child abuse, is viewed as a major risk factor for delinquency, and especially for violent crime” (Farrington, 1991; Rivera & Widom, 1990; Smith & Thornberry, 1995).
The point I want to make is that abuse and neglect are one in the same. And, neglect can be intentional or not. Health and Human Services believes that 12 of every 1,000 children are victims of maltreatment. I believe this number to be much higher.
So what can we do about it?
Parents, I believe it starts with you individually. It starts with you understanding two things:
1.Your child is imperfect. He or she will make mistakes. 2.You are imperfect. You will make mistakes.
Starting from there you can begin to unravel the years of frustration that have built up, causing you to act too snippy too quickly with your children. That same tension causes some to verbally or even physically abuse their children. Understanding that imperfection makes us human allows you to avoid punishing yourself so harshly, which ultimately leads to you discharging your pent up frustration on your closest subordinate—your child. As Dr. Brené Brown says, “Have the courage to be imperfect.” And learn to redirect your discharged pain and discouragement.
Children who experience abuse and neglect are 59% more likely to be arrested as juveniles. And if that happens, let me tell you from experience… You can kiss a chance at a scholarship goodbye. And even the military may not take you. So then what is there? I believe very strongly that many of the children of these last few generations (my generation included) are not mentally tough enough to handle being yelled at, spanked and punished harshly. They lack character, which happens if you are neglected by the people who are in charge of your upbringing.
Encourage people to stop physically and verbally abusing their children out of frustration. Rather than reinforcing positive values, those actions are more likely to result in extremely high levels of stress at home, which is terrible for adolescent development. No matter what the age, we all begin to build up heavy resentment toward anyone who poses us harm.
I encourage parents to learn how to explain themself in a way that makes people want to follow them. Watch my video on positioning yourself as a powerful mother.
Developing your child’s personal character should be your daily focus. Though other tactics may seem to work, in the end they won’t stand the true test of time.
My name is Cederick. If you want to continue this conversation, link up with me here. I have attached a couple of ebooks below for you, your family and friends. Check out my book for moms raising boys at The Seven Secrets. FREE EBOOKS Top Mistakes Parents Make When Setting Boundaries Five Life Lessons No Young Leader Should Live Without